I left my baby

Last week I left my baby...

Hold your judgmental thoughts! Me and my man decided to leave our baby girl with her aunt for 3.5 h.

And why, do you ask?

Because STAR WARS, that's why!!! And it was worth it!

I mean, I felt a mix of things. On one side, the movie was great. It was beyond my expectations.

But even with
  • the right amount of action,
  • a good dose of drama,
  • great photography
  • respectful acting,
  • enough entertainment,
  • not diverging from original story,
  • etc.,
  • etc.,
  • etc.

I still felt that those 3 h and 30 min were the longest of my life. It was the first time I left my baby with someone else. It felt like something was physically missing from me. I am not kidding! After all, she has been a part of me for almost a year now and that sure leaves an impact.

I also felt a little guilty because I did not leave my baby to go exercise, to go to a doctor's appointment, or to do something extremely important for me or for her. No, I left her to go and have something for my own pleasure. Selfish? Yes, maybe, but I deserve it!

I do not want to stop doing things I love just because I am a mom now. Being a mom is not a condition. It's not a burden. It does not mean we have to stop living. Being a mom is extending your love and your heart to unimaginary proportions!

We carried our babies inside us and it sure felt as long as the wait for the "Star Wars: The Force Awakens"; we gathered the strength to push them out of us with excruciating pain (or not so much for the lucky ones); we took a long healing time; we feed them and nurse them 24/7; and we are eternally devoted to them. She is my everything and, as Michael's nephew calls her, she is lille Fia. She is in fact a little version of myself and Michael. So yes, we deserve a few hours for pure and simple self-time.

So, please, mommies of the world, go and have some fun! And yes, daddies, you deserve it as much!

(P.S.: Sure, non parents of the world will be like "3 h and 30 min? That's nothing!" Well, to you I say: "May the force be with you for you have no clue what you are saying.")


Mom's body

This is an issue that has crossed the mind of every woman, regardless of whether she wants to become a mom or not.

I was never much worried about acquiring a mom's body postpartum, mainly because I did not want to be a mom until perhaps a year ago. This may sound sad, but it is true.

Women have been looking at the mirror for a long time. In fact, most of the time, women seek that perfect look to prove that they are better mates than other women, while making them jealous. In the wild, we often see this type of mating behaviour in males, not females. So why do human females use their bodies and appearance to attract males and not the other way around?

The answer relies in the history of human behaviour. Since the early signs of society, women were associated with weakness. However, thousands of years later, I would expect that evolution would have taken care of this irrational mindset. But no, our society still keeps objectifying women's bodies as they please and we pay for it.

Becoming a mother (or some form of it) is almost as old as life itself. Being a human mom is as old as being human. Worrying about body image is as old as sexual behaviour, but using women's bodies to sell clothes, perfumes, cars, tobacco, and so on is as old as marketing (a.k.a. yesterday)! It is wrong and should not happen.

I am not saying it is wrong to want to feel beautiful and sexy. This is normal as our instincts tell us that better looking mates will provide better (healthier, more resilient, etc.) offspring. What's wrong is using bodies to sell stuff. That is wrong! So ladies, whether you are a mom, grandma, aunt, single, divorced or widow, your body is yours and does not belong to anyone else! Let them criticise as much as they want. Only you should have the power to change the way you look.

So yes, even I thought about my body post-birth. Yes, I also worried that I would never look in the mirror the same way. And you know what? I was damn right!

It is ok to have boobs of different size - especially when you just breastfed from your smaller one (yes, we all have different sized-boobs).
It is ok to have stretch marks.
It is ok to not loose all the weight in the start.
All these marks represent the struggles your body has been through. Pretty much like scars, but scars marking a beautiful event in your life - becoming a mother.

So yes, I have a mom's body. But guess what? I am a mom and I have a body, so yes, I have a mom's body and I am pretty damn proud of it!


Open letter to my neighbours (boob talk)

Dear neighbours,

This open letter aims at explaining the reasons behind why I am regularly walking around topless. There have been countless moments where you found yourself looking through your window - maybe having a cup of coffee - and then, suddenly, there I was with my boobs free from (almost) all their worries.

I understand it may be uncomfortable for you; however, I will never apologise for it. Here are the reasons why I will not apologise for my toplessness (and prepare yourself for some more awkward boob talk):
  1. Try to image sore nipples, swollen breasts, and hot chest. It hurts to the point that no piece of fabric (bra, t-shirt, shirt, whatever) is welcome. Thus, walking around with my boobs out feels just like heaven!
  2. When my baby is hungry, SHE IS HUNGRY! Again, any amount of fabric on top will just slow things down and make her mad. You don't want her to get mad and cry, do you? (Even though it is also healthy if she cries a little and learns that life does not always go as planned...)
  3. I am home and I do whatever I want at home. Enough said!
  4. (Warning: lame excuse) I have to be honest: I do not have any breastfeeding-friendly clothes, therefore, I mainly use loose t-shirts, which, again, make it harder for me to undress fast enough to feed my daughter.
  5. Hey, it's just boobs, ok? It is not my fault that society turned them into sexualised objects. Yes, that's right! Their original purpose is actually something else... Guess what: breastfeeding!
  6. You are not alone in this journey. I have had to take my milk machines out in front of friends, at the airport, cafés, restaurants, etc. And she is only one month old!
So no, I am definitely not going to apologise for it. As much as it may be weird for you to see me topless on a regular basis, there is nothing I can do for you. However, the good news (for you) are that winter is coming, therefore my toplessness-time will be drastically reduced, since I am starting to feel cold when I free my milk-producing-gadgets.


I'm a mom and that's ok

Yes, I have recently become a mom, more precisely, 2 weeks ago.

No, I don't usually share personal parts of my life.

Yes, this is a VERY personal part of my life.

No, I also don't usually share points of view regarding matters of the parenthood.

And yes, this is exactly what that is.

Why? Well, why not? I am not writing this post for parents. They would probably be like "she is not writing anything new to me, so why bother?" I am also not writing this for the non-parents. These would be like "I am not considering becoming a parent anytime soon, so why bother?" or, most likely, "This is lame!" I am instead writing this for myself, as if to make it somewhat more real to me. I am still trying to get used to this new adventure. Besides, reading this in 10 years time will be very amusing.

Believe it or not, being a parent is so cool! I get to spend hours and hours with a human being that came out of me. She depends on me. I need to be there nearly every 3 hours to feed her, wash her, change her diaper.

The routine of nursing a newborn (or an older baby) is quite interesting from a biologist perspective. We get to see exactly what goes in and out of our study organism, which, in this case, is my daughter (yes, I said it, MY DAUGHTER!!! Still quite unbelievable...) She feeds from my milk production machines (that's all I can call them right now) and a few hours latter, as if by magic - no, it's actually called digestive system - it all comes out. Like a cycle. Of course this happens with adults as well - duh!!! - but it is so much more clear and simple in a newborn, whom have a pristine and purely functional digestive system.

All the hours I get to spend with her are, to be honest, quite boring... Yes, that's right! Every 3 hours, everything repeats again. These are the times when I think "what the heck was I thinking?" But these thoughts only last for mere seconds. She just needs to move a little, or lay still, anything, and I melt into her magic. She owns me. She owns my life. At least for some months now.

As I write this, I watch her sleep and make cute noises. (Yes, I said cute! I know it's lame, but I am a mom now, so it's ok.) Her father is doing something he calls "man's job", so I can focus on sharing this.

2 weeks ago, I was in labour. I was in pain. It was the worst day of my life - no kidding! But it was also the best day of my life! It was all worth it. I would do it all over again to make sure she came out as healthy and as beautiful as she did.

SHE CAME OUT OF ME! Is there anything more awesome than saying this? Sure, she felt like an alien all throughout the pregnancy moving arms and legs inside me. It felt weird! And then, almost 40 weeks later, she came out, head first, as if by saying "yes, I was inside you all this time. Cool, huh? How's life?"

The dad was a hero. As soon as the head was coming out, he grabbed her, looked at her, and pushed her out of me. Yes, he did this! I envy him for this! I wish I could be both mom and dad at that point. He was so awesome! I am sure it was an experience he will never forget. Nor will I!

So yes, being a parent is cool. Being a mom is even cooler (I don't know otherwise...). If you are not convinced, well, then maybe you shouldn't have one yourself just yet, or never... Whatever you decide, make sure you do what you want and not what others tell you to do.

It's still quite a surreal experience for me and I cannot believe I am a mom yet, but I would not trade this for anything. Yes, it's complicated!


New website

I hereby announce my professional website.

Please, feel free to send as many comments as you find appropriate.


"One Change"

And the winner is: Sarah Britton!
Yes, she is my inspirational icon from 2012.

Here is the TEDtalk from Sarah, the author of My New Roots.