Breastfeeding is magical!
I won't deny, I do believe there is an extra bond when the mom is able to breastfeed her baby. And please, before you get offended, hear me out. I know there are women who cannot breastfeed, who choose to not breastfeed, etc. I am not saying that that is wrong. Everyone should be able to choose. I chose to breastfeed and I have never regretted it (ok, sometimes I do, but just for mere miliseconds).
There are these moments when my baby is screaming with tears in her eyes and I take her to my breasts and she instantly calms down.
Or when she looks right into my eyes and I know she knows I am here for her.
Or when she smiles when she sees me taking my shirt off to feed her.
I wouldn't change these moments for anything else in the world. They are magical. They take me to a better place, just me and my baby girl. And the thought of knowing they will end one day scares me deeply. I know they will and that is why I want to cherish them as much as I can while I can.
While pregnant, I got a job I could not refuse.
And I didn't. Luckily, Danish parents get 52 weeks off, which they can split anyway they please. This is amazing, right? Right. So, for us, this meant that Michael would leave his job and he would take care of our baby girl.
I went back to work almost 2 months ago. It took a while for us 3 to get used to the new routines (not that there were any before...). Ok, it took a while for us to get used to the new standard: mom goes to work, daddy stays home, Lilli gets fed from a bottle more often.
These changes made us get mad at each other for no reason. They also meant we would have endless crying and nights spent awake, but we got over it and daddy and baby girl are having fun together. I miss them terribly, but I manage. (I guess living oversees for such a long time helps knowing some tricks on how to cope with missing someone, even though nothing could have ever prepared me to missing my baby girl).
So now it is mostly daddy putting baby to sleep. I try and try, but daddy manages ALMOST EVERY TIME! I get jealous, I am not going to lie. But you know what? It's ok. I know that they are creating their own special moments, just like me when I breastfeed her, and that's ok. They deserve that time alone, even if it is hard at times.
All this also means I have to pump milk several times a day at work (more on this on another post), and thinking how much of her development I am missing... But no worries, I know she is in the best care possible.
And I know all this because nothing can make daddy smile the way our baby girl can. They also stare at each other's eyes, they also cry of tiredness, they also sink into deep relaxation when they smell each other, and that's ok. She daddy's girl.
She knows I am here, she is mine and that I am the one with the boobs, but SHE IS DADDY'S GIRL.